What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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