i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
