New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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