you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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