I look better un-naked...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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