youre lurking in front of me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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