Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
