did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
