so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
