Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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