I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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