im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
