Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
