If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
