I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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