i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
