They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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