"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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