I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
