You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
