one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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