You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
