i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone came in the potted fern
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
