My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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