Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
