I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
