I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
