I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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