She announced her abortion via fbk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
