She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
