...so i touched it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
