people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
