you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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