Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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