I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
