So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
