why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
