farters have to be the big spoon...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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