The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
