You just made me feel so damn special
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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