Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
