the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
