I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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