I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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