what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
