either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
