How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
