he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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