i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
