We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm getting married
To pizza
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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