i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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