Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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