either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
